Moon eyes hold much / A study in release

It is a strange feeling to look into the eyes of someone you love as you break their heart.

’I love you but I cannot be with you the way you want right now. Probably never.  I love womyn. This is who I am. I don’t want to complicate your life or my own.’

I see his eyes sink back into his skull like two glass beads swirling in ambers and gray. Gazing into them is like looking into the moon; that emotional center. I am drawn to it but sometimes its light hangs uncomfortably on my vulnerable skin. We sometimes shrink from ourselves when fear gets in the way. I look into his moon eyes and feel the depth of souls he’s held within himself; residue of their own deep fears and emotion. To look into them is to plunge into landscapes vast as the universe.  Yet there is something hollow there and the alienation of this living settles in. the world is populated with millions of people yet loneliness seems to be a permanent condition.

He tells me everything will be okay. That he knew already because I told him through the spirit. I nod, because I did, but the emotion was still draining for both of us. I felt the weight of the energy filling the small room. I could barely stand. He sensed my fatigue and wrapped his arms around me for support. We embraced and I felt my limbs crumple in surrender against his trembling body.

‘It’s ok,’ he whispers over and over as if he was convincing himself more than I.

I breathe into his open heart space and felt my own emotions peeling off of my chest. He takes in everything so that I may be free.

So many spirits

this sacrifice.

And I am overwhelmed by the blessing of this release.