It’s Been awhile

It’s amazing how so much time can past

and then none at all

where familiar feelings of love and pain settle in my chest.

Mind

restless and contemplative.

You

the father I idolized and watched leave time and time again.

You

the first woman I loved but struggled to hold on to.

I am shaped by the rough contours of our relations

even during long periods of quiet

And then again

during phone conversations years later where we cry and laugh.

I still hear your spark through the crack of your aging voice

pleased to see myself in it.

I am shaped by the rough contours of our relations

even during long periods of quiet

And then again

when I see you smiling across a crowded room

beautiful in black.

You are happy now and this is how I want to remember you.

This system doesn’t teach love in a world

where young men are born without fathers

desperately searching to fill the voids with crack pipes and women

while their own children are left with the pieces.

In a world where young women are taught to take in the men

who are suppose to complete us

while we reject ourselves and each other.

We struggle to learn how to keep each other close

how to keep ourselves close.

There are times when I fear the weight of emotion collecting across time

where I fear the sound of your voice

and my own voice.

And then there are those moments when your laughter makes me whole

and time proves to be an illusion.

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