love in saturn

afrosiswaking into the gray mornings

of many changes

i find myself going back to my family’s home

sitting on my moms front porch

with my thoughts

as I often did as a kid

listening to the birds nestling

into the many trees that lined my street

these meditative moments

offered much peace

from a home of loudness

and movement

violent at times

a home too busy surviving

to make room for feelings

in all their complexity

feelings molded from complex conditions

not of our own making

 

but there was laughter too

beneath the clouds of smoke and pain

and I find myself sitting with those

feelings and experiences now

 

thinking of the warmth

of my mothers hands braiding my hair

as I sit between her knees

precious moments of

vulnerability filled with ease

my mothers hands are magic

that’s what I always thought

and still do

creating and cultivating

life out of concrete

growing flowers in our fears

my mother taught me

you have to be

more than enough

 

thinking about my fathers stories

words drenched in whiskey

spoken late into the night

attempts at connection

that’s hard to hold some times

but my father

my father helped me understand

the weight of history

in our peoples hands

he would sing out

“you can’t know where you’re going

till you know where you been”

 

we are walking in a continuum

and it makes me think

of the many spirits who made me

cells dust particles light

stars illuminating the universe

we are small but many

and worth much more than we are taught.

 

my grandmother told me

that she use to tell her kids

once they were grown

to go outside wherever they were

and look at the moon at the same time she did

and then they would stay connected.

 

Our people have always looked to the universe for connection

 

but sometimes

sometimes I struggle

between these places of longing and belonging

holding my heart and the openings left within it

from lovers who came and went

and it’s not so much the lovers i miss

as much as it’s the routine of love

and the ways we depend on others to provide

what we forget is already within us

our blood

that link to our ancestors

 

and sometimes

sometimes

its with the splitting of things

that must come

that new paths are formed

leading me

us

to new faces and old faces

and embraces

of growing community

and lessons learned

and struggles waged

all over the diaspora

all over this earth

leading me back to myself

tender and soft

and its beautiful

and the people

are beautiful

in our many releases and transformations

ashe.

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One Comment on “love in saturn”

  1. Eric Peters says:

    Beautiful, powerful and inspiring. So happy to have made this connection. Looking forward to your next musings. ;) <3


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